Oprah Letter
Dear Oprah,
I’m approaching 30 and I’m 5’2” and weigh under 100 pounds. With this frame, I almost have to shop in the juniors department, but the asymmetrical shit and the bedazzled graffiti and the ribbons, bows, crystals and sequins keep me away. I've given up shopping altogether. When I do shop, I end up purchasing another set of gold hoop earrings that I stare at as I eat the cookies and the pretzels that I eat at the mall to pass the time while my best friend shops for ANOTHER iPod.
My new uniform consists of jeans, a white v-neck t-shirt with one of those cropped jean jackets that all the kids are wearing these days, and a great pair of heels. I couldn’t pin point my look if I had to. I just recently gave up the whole midriff thing because I realized, while vacationing in Cancun of all places, I’m to old to be doing that. I can’t really wear this uniform every day though, can I?
Oprah, you are constantly interviewing some of the best dressed women in the entire world. Can you please do an episode that addresses specifically my problem? Perhaps including me on the show where you say SURPRISE, MELISSA, YOU’RE GOING SHOPPING WITH ME and you get to take it all home. And then the camera pans to me at my front door, looking like shit, all out of breath and hugging you inappropriately for a long amount of time? Is that possible? And if so, can you hook up my mom, my sister, Heidi and Heidi’s mom? We all want new hair, clothes, confidence and of course, the opportunity to meet you because you’re the best person ever. So what’s up?
Love YES LOVE, Melissa


I totally mailed this off.

Song of the day: “Ashes”-Embrace